how to keep good times with extended family on vacation

Ok so here is the skinny.. Please.. I hope that everyone that posts to this will be open and honest..

Has any of you gone to Disney with lots of extended family?

Here is my dilemma. I am going with my hubby, child, SIL, BIL, neice and nephew, and the MIL and FIL.

MIL is a HANDFUL to say the least. Was invited more out of courtesy but is already complaining. She is 61 and is suffering from early emphasema (although in denial). We are already afraid that she is not going to be able to take the walking. Also, since our kids are of different ages there will be times where we are not going to be all together. She is very adament about everyone being together.

Is there an easy way to have a discussion about this? Has anyone dealt with family members who were difficult? SIL and I are already cringing and we have over 6 months until our trip. This trip is costing a lot of money for both our familys and we want to enjoy it as much as we can.. We just want to know if anyone out there had any challenges with family that went with them and what they may have done to either deal with the situation or divert disaster...

how to keep good times with extended family on vacation

Hi godmother,

I have gone to Disney many times with groups of 12 - 15 family member and also with friends. The most important advice I can give is, you can not all be together every minute of every day.

I will use our Holiday last Sept as an example. There were 13 of us. One family unit stayed at the ALL STARS MUSIC RESORT ( 2 adults and 3 kids in 1 room ) they rest of us ( 6 adults and 2 kids, in 3 rooms) stayed at Port Orleans Riverside. It%26#39;s important that everyone have abit of space, night time is when this is really important. Some of us just wanted to crash out and SLEEP, some were wound up and wanted to take an evening swim or stroll or hang out at Downtown Disney til late. Not everyone will be on the same page every day.

We were on the Free Dining Plan, so our Table Service Meals were planned ahead of time, all but 2 of them were had all together. For Breakfast and lunch, we sometimes ate together but most of the time we slpit up into smaller groups.

When we went to the Parks we would spend a little time all together but would then go off in smaller groups. Some wanted to do all the Thrill Rides, some would just go to see a Show and sometimes 1 or 2 would want to just sit under a shady tree. Some of us found that hard to understand but that%26#39;s what they wanted to do, so they did, the rest of us went on our way, it would have been hard to tell the kids we couldn%26#39;t go on any more rides. We would meet up with them later on and everything was fine.

You really can%26#39;t all be together all the time. It would be ideal if that could happen but I%26#39;ve not had that experience.

You might want to get everyone together, soon, and have everyone talk about what it is they hope to get out of this Holiday. Have the kids look into what rides they are most interested in and which Parks should be done. That might be a start. Your MIL may see just how busy the day is going to be and will on her own know she won%26#39;t be able to keep up. Also know that you can rent a Scooter for her if she needs one, more on that later if you need info.

Hope I didn%26#39;t go on too much and I was of some help.

how to keep good times with extended family on vacation

Keep smiling regardless.

I can always tell when the mother in law%26#39;s coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother inlaw, My neighbour said %26#39;Are you going to help%26#39; I said %26#39;no six Should be enough%26#39;.

My Mother-in-Law is so big, we had to stop buying her Malcom X tee shirts, because helicopters kept trying to land on her.

My mother in law is a big woman. She got run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get around her, but he didn%26#39;t know if he had enough petrol.

chinners, you%26#39;re awful. Funny but awful.

godmother 923: You received a very wise reply from pattypa. The only thing I might add is the perspective of the m-i-l. Our family travels together frequently and I AM the m-i-l in the gang!!!

After many years of raising and coordinating activities for a big family...including vacations, there is a gradual learning process of realizing (like the lights suddenly coming on!!) that there is no need to do that any longer. It can be a rather ';bittersweet'; realization. The sweet part is recognizing that all family members are individuals who have their own ideas and interests and that is something to be appreciated and respected. The part that can be a tad ';bitter'; is a similar realization that one%26#39;s role in the family is changing. Ultimately, that is a GOOD thing! I can now kick back and enjoy watching each of them doing what they most appreciate and I can do the same...have a lazy day or an active day as feels best at the time.

It%26#39;s perfectly okay for each family to decide the best use of their time. What I would most appreciate is (1.) being allowed to plan at least ONE activity that I think would be fun and interesting for the whole gang and (2.) being made to feel that I am welcome to join in most (not necessarily all) of the plans the others come up with and free to accept or decline. If I don%26#39;t participate, I welcome the chance to ';hear all about it'; at the end of the day.

Whenever I hear that somebody is a ';complainer'; I suspect that person is somehow not feeling recognized or appreciated. Rather than turn this post into an entire book, I would leave with the thought that you and your s-i-l and your spouses might ask HER what type arrangements would most respect her health and well being. Help research ideas and engage her in selecting those that would most appeal to her and the f-i-l. Make it clear that you already realize it would not be in her best interests to try and keep up with the plans of the younger set all day, every day. Then...make the most of your vacation time in the ways that feel right for you and for your children.

Good Luck....

Nicely put grandma. I hope to be a MIL someday and hope I can be as graceful and greatful.

WOW. I feel privledged to have received a post from a MIL.

Believe me. I know it is not easy. Especially because my MIL doesn%26#39;t have any daughters. There is something to be said about a mother and her sons. I think it is a very hard thing to let go. Sometimes she forgets that they have their own families. I am just trying to alleviate any potential problems. The kids have already talked amongst ourselves and know that we can%26#39;t be together every minute of every day. Our children are of different ages and the things that their kids will be doing are different than the things that my son will be doing.

However, after listening to the advice I will let you all know that we have done and tried all of these things. We don%26#39;t ever do enough and she is never included as much as she wants to be. The problem again comes down to her not accepting that we her DIL%26#39;s already have mothers..

I am extremely nervous about her walking. I honestly don%26#39;t think she realizes that the whole trip is centered around walking..

Thank you to everyone for posting and offering up some advice. I will take everything under advisement.. Please keep your fingers crossed that this all works out!

i guess driving them all to the airport and staying home is out of the question!!!

If she is not going to be up to the walking, chances are your going to be spending a lot of time at your resort so make sure you pick one with plenty of things to do.

I%26#39;m going to Orlando this November with my father who is 75. Although he is in great shape, I can%26#39;t expect him to keep up with the wife and I so I%26#39;m choosing to stay in a two room suite at a resort with a nice pool, onsite restaurant/bar, game room, etc.. so we can spend a couple of days just hanging around.

Although I agree with everything that has been said above, I have one other suggestion. There are vacation villas with 5,6 and 7 bedrooms. I have found when traveling with family, its nice to have some place quiet to escape. Your own bedroom! Plus its nice, because everyone can eat breakfast together (save a ton of money eating in Instead of out everyday) and then you can go off to the parks of your choice. Then meet back for an evening swim (in your own pool) and have dinner together.

Everyone wins, you spend time together in the mornings and evening and then do your own thing during the day.

We have stayed in an AllStar Vacation home (www.allstarvacationhomes.com) and loved it. They have a great conciere service, Kissimmee Guest Services(kgstickets.com), who will help you plan your vacation and help you with your attraction tickets.

Thank you everyone so much for all your suggestions. I could have easily stayed at a nice house in Kissimmee that my cousin owns for nothing.. But, I wanted to stay in the park the first time tht my child and my neice and nephew go.

I know that it would have saved us a lot of aggrivation staying in the house. But... then again.. My MIL was complaining when we first brought it up that we weren%26#39;t all going to be together.

All of us actually have our own rooms.. So.. that saves us.. I think that if we were in the same house I would go crazy.

As it stands right now.. I am going to be making an itinerary for my husband and my son and myself. I will show everyone.. However.. I am going to plan to trip as if we were going by ourselves. I am sure that we will all want to do some of the same things. But, I won%26#39;t change my trip because others cant keep up.

I have to do what is best for my family and I think that if I detail an itinerary to show.. then everyone can decide what they want to do with us..